Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.

The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.  (

*I need another couple of days to finish a chapter.  But soon.

All right.  Bad news first.  I'm gonna have to go to the hospital tomorrow.  Appartently an ingrown toenail is an UBER big deal when you have no immune system and it gets infected.  Blech.

Good news is (depending on who you ask) is that we got another puppy!  Big puppy!  We thinks he's a rott/ sheperd mix...about 7 months old, hopefully we'll know more on his medical history by midweek.  We got him from one of my brothers "lesser" friends.  And the poor thing is seriously malnurished, flinches as the slightest raised voice and is completely terrifies of well, everything.  He'll come up to us and rest his head on the couch, and when we realise he's there, we raise our hands to pet him and coax him on the couch and he hits the floor, tail tucked, and ears plastered to his skull.  He doesn't bed for food, doesn't know what a chew bone is, hasn't figured out how to play with us.  And Zulu is determined to be the alpha, so that's brought on some scrapes between the three.  Simba's taking it fairly well.  We think Sultan is about 7-8 months...more than six but not quite a year.  He's still tripping over his feet.  lol

But getting Sultan was a good thing.  He's an outdoor potty type dog, where as are other two are paper trained,  and since doctor farag wants me walking more, and Sultan needs a potty walk, it works out quite well.  On  that hand...on the other, I have to other dogs to juggle when I take Sultan out, cuz they are just like kids, one gets to do it, they all Want to do it...lol 

And those people that had him before said he was a classic "dumb dog" and I"m wondering if they gave us the wrong dog!  There is nothing stupid about this dog.  He's super smart.  Problem solving smart.  But he's oh so sweet.  So I asked James why they thought that.  The answer: Sultan bumbs and stumbles into walls, doors, counters, chairs, etc.  he trips over his own feet!  I just laughted and told him that's what puppies do.  That Sultan hasn't grown into those paws of his.


Sise wise, Sultan is to Zulu as Zulu is to Simba.  So Simba is definately the runt of the group, though he pleases me by not being a totally submissive.  He may be nicer to Sultan than Zulu is, but he doesn't want to be on the bottom of the pecking order.  We've already had to break up three flights, luckily no damage.  These little skrimishes might have ended quicker if my parents hadn't stopped me from jumping in...though I know that's how it's gotta be.  With all my past and present health problems going on right now, the last thing I need to do is try to separate them.  Though when I fed them earier I smacked the rolling pin on the table (loud enough to get their attentions.  Then I made sure hold on to it in case of problems.  More to separate them, than smack...it IS a rolling pin after all.  But I didn't even need to poke or verbally warn the three of them to be easy, they were all ready doing it.

And they all slept in the same room last night without problems so we're all optimistic about the inter dog relations.


Oh, don't know if I told in my last post or not, but anyway.  I'm not allowed to drive, or (once again) go anywhere without an escort (I can close the bathroom door, but no locking)  IU says better safe than sorry, especially since they can never figure out what's gonna happen next...cuz I"m breaking all the rules, beating my own path, and it's drving us all mad!  Familiy, friends, doctors, nurses, everyone is going crazy because I'm not exhibiting the symptoms for any of my conditions.


On a more positive note...I have shrunk back into my size fives...strange note...I still weight 128...go figure.  Expect that the predisone that I"m on is rearraging my body fat, I'm starting to loose the water weight, and with the scaladerma going into "remission" all that hard skin is slowly gentling it'self out.

They are leaving my on the predisone, I"m still taking cholesterol meds (though they say I'm doing better, but not enough) and I'm allergic to Levimir...so they had to get me something else.  So now I"m giving myself 2 shots, and 4 finger pricks a day(min) and man do those hurt.!

I don't know if it's the sleeping pills I took 45 mins ago, or if i'm just a glutton for........
But as I sit here, I have only one wish.  That the four of us (Crysta, Arwynne, Alimond, and myself) could have one day where we could play like we used too.  When we had the power to do anything.  The belief that we could right wrongs, rescue the "damsel in distress" save the world and marry their hunky princes.  Running around battling demons, back in the days where our biggest concerns were imaginary mosters hunting us down.  Life was so much more fun then and a lot less painful! 

Lindsey and I got into it, and that's really all you need to know about it.  Well that adnd that the ball is in her court.  She wanted me to call her, I called her, she tells me again that I have to call her and that she didn't aswer because she was caring for Kalya.  Which is completely fine!  Baby vs Phone?  Ha  Baby wins every time. And if not the lets call the kiddie cops. (Not that the last sentence actually applies, just me finishing a thought that you couldn't hear cuz it's in my head kind of thing.  I digress, What I wanted to say about those calls is this, I called her and asked her to call me, amoung other things, and she emails me telling me to call her again.

As far as I'm concerned, I did call.  It was ignored for an acceptable reason.  But curtosey implies a return phone call with an explaination.  Not an email.

I hate that she's keeping me from Kayla, but what can I do?

I don't even know.

Well, until the nexrt time I take my sleepers and get online....but I gotta go shove some Novalog (fast acting insulin)
The other one is "normal" and that's Levimir.  So we'll see.

But on a funny/crazy/amusing note:  my hair is curling almost all the way to my scalp, and all the fat that I keep talking about?  It's making it's self comfortable in my chest.  The nurses are taking bets on how big they'll get and when.  arg.  I've asked for 30-40% of the profits and they just laughted.  *pouts*

And just so you know, relying on your parents as child, teen, young adult, is far different from the depedency you are forced to expect in such circumstanse.  I'm so weak right now, my parents have to cut up my food, my hands shake so hard we're afraid that I'll get myself bad and ERERER

And I can't even open the friggin milk!  Which makes my family laugh...cuz it is funny, just frusterating.  I'm just glad that I'm still allowed "private" showers, meaning mom in room, or door not locked.  I feel like I"m back in the hospital, the way my parents take care of me...at least I can still Shower without needing someone to wash my back...



Quotes of the Day

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

"Don't Quit,"  Author Unknown

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.  We ask ourselves "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson
From her book Return To Love