Cancer: Here’s how YOU can help ME cope and survive

This is a book I bought awhile back. I was skimming it and found some things I felt were worth posting about. Here’s to start. And every friend and family member I know has done more than three.

“Know what NOT to do or say to a cancer patient”
 Do not tell the survivor stories of those who did not survive, or horror stories about their treatment which ended in their death
 Do not pity them for their diagnosis
 Do not treat them any differently than you did before the diagnosis
 Do not blame them for their disease
 Do not visit and look sad or depressed
 Do not “act” like you are really caring if you really aren’t interested in being there for the survivor
 Do not say “This is God’s will”
 Do not say “I hope I see you again”
 Do not ask every medical detail of the diagnosis o be invasive about asking for information
 Do not ignore the survivor … they feel alone in the world with the diagnosis
 Do not offer information to a survivor when they are not ready to accept or desire the information
 Do not force the survivor to do anything they are not ready to do
 Try not to be negative around the survivor
 Do not say “I know how you feel”
 Do not act like the survivor is dying
 Do not say “Oh it will be okay”
 Don’t act like this is a death sentence
 Do not preach to the survivor about the cause or sures for the cancer
 Don’t ask “Did they get it all”
 Do not talk about all the side effects unless the survivor opens the conversation and wants to discuss them openly
 Do not call others and tell them about the diagnosis without the permission of the survivor
 Do not detach from the survivor – help them with the burden by showing support and love
 Do not make jokes about the impending loss (of body parts)
 Do not say “Well, you probably won’t be here much longer”
 Respect the survivor if they are not in the mood to talk
 Do not say “I did this, or that…” just listen
 Do not pretend this isn’t happening
 Do not say “How long did the doctor give you to live”
 Do not ask “Are you sure the doctor knows what he’s doing”
 Do not say “Well, it’s probably a misdiagnosis”
 Do not say “Is this serious? Are you going to die?”
 Do not minimize the diagnosis
 Do not tell the survivor how to feel, think ot how to act
 Do not say negative things about the survivor’s choice of physicans – just be supportive and encouraging
 Do not say “There must be a reason this is happening
 Do not attack treatment choices made by your loved one
 Do not attack your loved one’s coping mechanisms (using humor, faith, denial, etc.)
 Do not offer false hope
 Do not make generalized offers such as: “Call if you need me” Trust us, they won’t call. Remember that many loved ones don’t want to be a burden, or don’t know how to ask for assistance
 Do not just talk about the cancer and nothing else
 Do not take it personally if you hear the loved one talk about anger, hurt, disappointment, etc. Remember, their feelings are not directed towards you
 Do not deny the reality of cancer
 Do not compare your loved one’s illness to a cat or dog who has cancer or a life-threatening illness
 Do not quote negative statistics or survival times
 Do not try to convert your loved one’s religious beliefs and shove your own religious concepts on them. Listen and be supportive while nurturing your loved one’s spiritual faith.
 Do not stare at the missing breast and not your loved one’s face while talking
 Do not make comments about increases in weight, body puffiness, or wigs